Vazquez Counseling

We always need to allow the Word of God to explain the Truth of God to us first, for it is the primary source of what God would have for us to know in this world. I’m going to look at several passages, some of which we have studied recently, and I want to point out the reality of what the roles for both men and women are in this world, and specifically, what these passages mean for Husbands and Wives in marriage. So, without further ado, here is what the Scriptures teach us in Genesis 2:8-25:

“The LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden, and there He put the man whom He had formed. And out of the ground the LORD God made every tree grow that is pleasant to the sight and good for food. The tree of life was also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Now a river went out of Eden to water the garden, and from there it parted and became four riverheads. The name of the first is Pishon; it is the one which skirts the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold. And the gold of that land is good. Bdellium and the onyx stone are there. The name of the second river is Gihon; it is the one which goes around the whole land of Cush. The name of the third river is Hiddekel; it is the one which goes toward the east of Assyria. The fourth river is the Euphrates.

Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it. And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, ‘Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.’

And the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’ Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.

And Adam said:

‘This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.’

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” (New King James Version)

We pick up the story in Genesis 3:8-24, after the Fall of Man:

“And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden.

Then the LORD God called to Adam and said to him, ‘Where are you?’

So he said, ‘I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.’

And He said, ‘Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?’

Then the man said, ‘The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.’

And the LORD God said to the woman, ‘What is this you have done?’
The woman said, ‘The serpent deceived me, and I ate.’

So the LORD God said to the serpent:
‘Because you have done this,
You are cursed more than all cattle,
And more than every beast of the field;
On your belly you shall go,
And you shall eat dust
All the days of your life.
And I will put enmity
Between you and the woman,
And between your seed and her Seed;
He shall bruise your head,
And you shall bruise His heel.’

To the woman He said:
‘I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;
Your desire shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.’

Then to Adam He said, ‘Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘“‘You shall not eat of it”’”:
‘Cursed is the ground for your sake;
In toil you shall eat of it
All the days of your life.
Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you,
And you shall eat the herb of the field.
In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread
Till you return to the ground,
For out of it you were taken;
For dust you are,
And to dust you shall return.’

And Adam called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living.

Also for Adam and his wife the LORD God made tunics of skin, and clothed them.

Then the LORD God said, ‘Behold, the man has become like one of Us, to know good and evil. And now, lest he put out his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live forever’— therefore the LORD God sent him out of the garden of Eden to till the ground from which he was taken. So He drove out the man; and He placed cherubim at the east of the garden of Eden, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to guard the way to the tree of life.” (NKJV)

Let’s take a look at one more passage that we have studied before, this one from Ephesians 5:25-33:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (NKJV)

I also want you to consider one more passage, looking at it as it pertains to the passages above. Remember that the best commentary on the Bible is the Bible. If we do not understand the meaning of a passage in the Scriptures, then we should always look to other passages in the Word of God to see if we can find clarification on that topic.

The Bible passage I want to draw your attention to is John 14:15-18, where Jesus states the following:

“If you love Me, keep My commandments. And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.” (NKJV)

There is so much to unpack in these passages from Scripture, but I want to focus specifically on what I meant in the title of this particular blog, The Roles of Husbands and Wives in marriage.

The first thing that I must mention is that there has long been a misconception by people about what the role of the Wife is in a marriage. People are thrown off by words that they don’t fully understand, and this leads to destructive misinformation and disinformation, which then lead to horrible practices and traditions. I think that it can safely be assumed by us all that we live in a patriarchal society. Men often lord it over women. Machismo runs rampant in many cultures. Down through the ages, women have been so mistreated by men, that it’s sparked movements like the feminist movement, itself a belief system and practice that is destructive to society. There is definitely a perception that especially in the Church, we believe that women should be poorly treated. Many Christian men often treat their Wives like they are less than. I must pause here and say that not all Christian men are like this, but there have been enough of them throughout history, that it is widely accepted in the secular world that Christian men are largely misogynistic

Where does this wrong way of thinking come from? I believe it comes from a misreading of Genesis 2 and 3. Let’s recap what the Scriptures say in these two chapters in Genesis: the woman, Eve, was the one who was deceived, apparently, so she’s to blame, right? Well, let me point out something that very few people notice in the Genesis 3 account of the Fall of Man. Let’s be perfectly clear, the chapter does detail that Eve interacted with the serpent, and she was deceived into eating the forbidden fruit. But, what I noticed in this passage was that Eve turned to Adam, who was with her, and she gave him the fruit, and he just ate it without question. The Bible doesn’t say where Adam was while the Serpent was talking with Eve. It seems fairly clear that he was also there, maybe as a silent observer, and perhaps, he was deceived, as well, and ultimately defied God and ate of the fruit. Whatever the case may be, we now have the Fall of Man because both Adam and Eve fell, and we have the need for our LORD to fix what they did.

Notice what happened next: Adam blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent. Immediately, there was a lack of accountability and a lack of responsibility. How many times do you have this same scenario played out in your family, with colleagues at work, or with anyone, really. The blame game as I call it is definitely a human malady, and it originated with our first Parents.

I want to conclude this discussion on the Fall of Man by saying that, while it explains the human condition, the story should also give us great hope. Notice in that passage that the LORD promised to Adam and Eve that the Seed (capitalized), or the Savior, would come to make things right. Right after mankind fell, our Blessed Father announced that Jesus was coming to provide salvation and freedom from the very sin that Adam and Eve had instituted.

Now, I want to go back to the passage in Genesis 2, where we learn about how the Woman Eve came to be. We’re told that no “comparable helper” for Adam was found among the wild animals. And that makes sense, right? How could an animal be a companion for Adam? I know many of us have cats and dogs and other pets, and we love them, obviously, but we should never relate to them as we would with another human being. I’m assuming you all agree with me here.

The Scriptures say that Eve was formed from Adam’s rib. She had to physically come from him, in order to be truly compatible with him. That is why a Husband can mate with his Wife. We are of the same flesh. We are compatible that way, no matter your racial background, ethnic background, or really any difference that you and your spouse may have.

I next want to focus on the term “comparable helper” used to described Eve. Many, many people have used this description to dismiss women as second class citizens. They denigrate women because they believe that if women were created second, and somehow, they are merely the “helpers” of men, then maybe they shouldn’t have a voice or maybe not even have the same rights as men. I submit to you that this belief system is not only wholly destructive to mankind, but it is utterly false.

Everyone focuses on the word “helper,” but it seems everyone misses the word “comparable,”, which precedes the word, “helper.” The Scriptures are plainly teaching that our Wives are helpers who are equal to us. We are not to subjugate them, or treat them poorly, simply because Adam was created first. Men, if you have a superior attitude when it comes to your Wife, you are so wrong in your thinking that you need to repent of this sin right now. You need to ask God to reveal to you how you should be thinking correctly about your Wife before you lose her and by extension, everything that is dear to you.

I will give you a further example of how the word “helper” fits into the wider Truth and Plan of God. I want to draw your attention to the passage from John 14 above, where our LORD Jesus refers to the promised Holy Spirt as the “Helper.” Are you starting to see where I’m going with this? What does our Precious Holy Spirit do in our lives as we walk with Christ? He comes alongside us, and he “helps” us understand the Word of God, He convicts us of our sin, and He empowers us to live righteous lives. And I would submit to you that the role of the Wife in a Husband’s life is similar to that of the Holy Spirit in all our lives. Wives are to love their Husbands so much that it hurts them when the Husbands mess up. They want to help us so much that for many of us men, it sometimes bothers us, precisely because we are a selfish bunch. Our Wives will say, take the pink pill, take the green pill, take a shower everyday, get good sleep, take good care of yourself, watch our finances, love your kids, and most importantly, love me and only me, and the list goes on and on.

In the curse that God pronounced on women in the passage in the passage from Genesis 3, He says something that for the longest time, I did not understand. God says that a woman’s desire would be for her Husband. From a Christian man’s perspective, this would make sense, right?. I mean, what Husband wouldn’t want his Wife to desire him? However, as I have said before, we need to read the Scriptures in context, in this case, the linguistic context. The word “desire” here is the same word used in Genesis 4:7: “So the LORD said to Cain, ‘Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.’” (NKJV) Sin has always desired to control us. In Genesis 3, part of the curse given to women is that they will want to control their Husbands. I see example of this time after time in my work as a Counselor. This desire to control their Husband often causes a Wife and Family many problems. And, of course, if the Husband is passive and allows it to happen, we now have a marriage that is totally off balance.

If women are helpers to men in marriage, the role of men in marriages is equally important, that of being Christlike (notice this Truth in Ephesians 5 above). This is no easy task, and we often fail in the most basic things that we, as men, are called to do. That does not mean that we don’t keep working to be better Husbands and fulfill God’s call to pursue our Wives, protect them and our children, provide for them and our children, and be the priest for our Families, a call given to us by God Himself in the Word of God. If you are not currently doing these things, it is never too late to start. Our Gracious LORD is waiting to guide you and show you the Way into all Truth, through the abiding Presence of the Holy Spirit.

So, here is my conclusion on what these passages in Scripture teach about what the roles of men and women in marriage should be. I will start with the women because our LORD started with Eve after he dealt with the serpent. I firmly believe that our Wives are supposed to help us in much the same way the Holy Spirit helps us. Does that sound like you should respect your Wife above everyone else? If our Blessed LORD has called her to help you in the same way our Precious Holy Spirit helps you, how could you possibly ever denigrate her or lord it over her?

Now, we turn to the Husbands. I believe the passage in Ephesians above teaches that Husbands ought to be Christlike toward their Wives and children. Talk about a tall order! We are to love our Wives and Families sacrificially, like Christ did for us, no matter what.

To sum up all of these thoughts on the Word of God, we have to consider what this all this means for Christian marriages. I believe women represent the role of the Holy Spirit in their marriages, while men represent the role of Jesus Christ in their marriages. And just as the Holy Spirit is subject to Jesus, who is subject to the Father, our roles in marriage are organized in the same way. I am not saying that, as men and women, we all don’t still have Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit in our hearts. What I am pointing out with his discussion is that there is an order of things in God’s Kingdom, for our LORD is a God of order, And if we fight against that order, we are clearly fighting a losing battle.

Finally, as revealed in the passage from Ephesians 5, the Word of God teaches us that the description of how Husbands and Wives relate to each other is a great mystery, that it actually portrays an image of how our LORD Jesus relates to His Church. If Husbands are to be Christlike in a marriage, and Wives are to be act like the Holy Spirit in a marriage, do you see how a Biblical marriage should reflect the relationship in the Holy Trinity? This still remains a great mystery, as we will not know its full meaning until we get to Heaven, but for me, it is making more sense, the more I study the Scriptures everyday. If you are not in the Word everyday, my question to you is, how are you being fed spiritually? Are you letting the talking heads on Facebook or TikTok guide you in what you should believe about God? I am not saying that all of these people on these platforms are wrong, or that they should not be listened to at all. What I am saying is that you should always go to the Source of all life, the Blessed Word of God, where you will read the Gospel of our LORD Jesus Christ, which, if you understand and accept, is the only way to be saved. Amen.