Vazquez Counseling

I am going to state something that should cause you to recoil. This is by no means a true statement, but many men down through history have believed it, to the detriment of all humanity. The statement is this: women are second class citizens, and they should be treated as such.

If that statement caused you consternation, whether you are a man or a woman, and it should, then you understand that the complete opposite of that statement is what should be. So, now, I’ll state the opposite, and please let it sit with you for the rest of this blog: Women should be loved, honored, and respected, no matter what. There, much better, right?

Why do you suppose that down through the ages, many men have felt that women are beneath them? I would say that it comes from a basic ignorance or a misunderstanding of some of our most ancient writings. Over the past 24 years, I have worked with many women in my counseling practice, and in that time, I have come to understand their needs, their wants, and why they should be honored. I am by no means an expert on the subject, because I am not a woman, but I have been an advocate for women my whole career.

Let’s look at some Scriptures for the Truth about women that God teaches. In Genesis 2:18, the Bible declares:

“And the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’” (from the New King James Version)

It is vitally important that we understand the meaning of words in the Bible in their original languages, for we will miss much if we don’t make it a regular practice to study these meanings. In this all-important verse, where the idea of the woman is first introduced by God, I would like to focus on the words, “helper” and “comparable.”

What I have realized over my many years of studying the Bible in depth is that most people don’t understand the full meaning of these words. If men down through history had truly understood and believed what God meant in this verse, things would have been much different for women.

Let’s first consider the word “comparable.” In the original Hebrew, the word is “neg̱eḏ,” and it literally means: what is conspicuous, in front of, straight forward, before, in sight of, or parallel. What God is ultimately stating with this word is that the woman was meant to come alongside the man as an equal, of the same essence, literally in front of him, and to be with him, so that he would not be alone.

Let’s consider the word, “helper.” In the original Hebrew, the word is “‘êzer,” which is derived from the word “‘âzar,” and it means one who helps, or one who protects. Another word that can assist us in defining “helper” is “succour,” which is a noun that means, “assistance in times of hardship or distress.”

Let’s take a look at another version of the word “helper” that appears later in the Scriptures. In John 14:15-18, Jesus said the following,

 “If you love Me, keep My commandments. And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.” (NKJV)

In this passage, we find the word, “Helper,” again, but this time it is capitalized, for Jesus was referring to the Holy Spirit. Here, the original Greek word for “Helper” is “paraklētos,” which means much more than someone who aids; it means someone who will advocate for you, someone who has been called to your side to guide you, and someone who empowers you to do good.

So, as the Word of God indicates, our LORD created the woman as a parallel companion to the man, someone who is an equal, and someone who not only helps a man, but also advocates for him and guides him. The word “helper” in Hebrew (the original language in the Old Testament) and in Greek (the original language of the New Testament) is a word that is supposed to bring us great comfort, as it points us directly to the work of the Holy Spirit in the lives of Christians.

In Ephesians 5, the Apostle Paul makes some very important statements of what the roles of Husbands and Wives should look like. In Ephesians 5:15-21, Paul admonishes us with the following statements:

“See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God.” (NKJV)

Then, immediately after that, Paul states the following, Ephesians 5:22-24:

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” (NKJV)

So, which is it, you may ask. Are we to submit to one another, or are Wives supposed to submit to their Husbands? I would say that we must do both. If men and women are equal in every way, this last statement by Paul is not saying that because Wives should be subject to their Husbands, they are less than. What he is doing is stating the order of things. Without order, we have chaos, which leads to all sorts or problems. For example, when two people are dancing, one of those two people has to lead; otherwise the dance will not work. In other words, one person, usually the man, leads in the dance. It does not mean that the woman dancing is less equal. In fact, I have seen many dance competitions where the woman is the most beautiful and graceful dancer, as she follows the lead of the man. This Truth is evident in everything. Some organizations may be able to have two leaders, but the ideal is when one leader has taken on the responsibility of leading the company with his vision of success. Thus, it is the same in marriage. Our LORD has called men to lead their families. Do we often fail? Of course! We are human after all, and it is in our human nature that we often fail in many things. That doesn’t mean that the order that God has established should be null and void.

Many people stop reading the passage in Ephesians when Paul said that wives need to submit to their husbands. I always teach that we need to read the Bible in context, or else we will fail miserably in our understanding of it.

In Ephesians 5:25-29, Paul continues his instructions to married people by addressing the husband directly:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.” (NKJV)

This is a tall order, indeed! I would say to all the men reading this blog that your wife will have a very hard time submitting to you if you don’t love her sacrificially, just like Christ loves us. Marriage will not work any other way.

As we conclude our study of women and their role in society, I’ll ask you one more question. Knowing all of this about what “comparable” and “helper” actually mean and the call by God on men and women in Ephesians, do you believe that there is any reason at all to denigrate women? I believe that down through the centuries, many men have allowed the curse of sin to cloud their view of what God has called women to be in our lives and how special they are in His heart. A correct view of women can only lead us to conclude that they should always be loved, honored, and respected.

In my life, the woman whom God provided in my life, my beautiful Wife Laura, has been of great help to me. It is she who helps ground me when I want to run ahead of God. I have shared the mission that our LORD has called for me to do with Laura, and she offers me unwavering support. She often exhorts me to wait patiently on the LORD to open doors and close doors for me, and she helps me to discern what steps I should take, as I walk the path that God has laid out for me. She has truly come alongside me to protect me, probably mostly from myself. I cannot imagine living my life without Laura, whom our LORD has given me, my earthly advocate who has demonstrated to me that she loves me unconditionally. I’m sure all of you men to whom God has given a beautiful and wonderful helper in your Wife understand exactly what I’m talking about.